23
Jan
14

You’re Next

I just got finished watching You’re Next which I was expecting to be a typical horror home invasion movie but I was a little off base. The movie starts out with this sausage nippled dude totally railing this chick who’s way too hot for him and then he finishes and takes a shower and this chick walks around all naked drinking juice and she sees somethin crazy outside and then he gets out of the shower and boom! “You’re next” scribbled in insanely detailed handwriting given the short time between the girls death and the guy getting out of the shower.
Same neighborhood, this time the Ma and Pa of a big family are getting ready for a big family reunion and they get to the house and it’s unlocked. Mama has a bad feeling about all this and has the husband investigate upstairs. Right as he is about to find out who’s in the closet, his son comes up the stairs and tells him mama’s crying downstairs so they all go to investigate.
Then everyone starts arriving and sibling rivalry and dickery are happening all over the place. They’re sitting down to dinner and edgy documentary filmmaker guy sees something at the window and boom! Glass-shattering projectile shatters window, instant crossbow through his blood ripe melon. It doesn’t take long for that panic to kick in and soon every person for themselves. A girl bravely attempts to run outside to maybe catch the mysterious killers offguard but nope! Clothesline wire splits her neck open quite graphically. One brother goes through the movie with an arrow straight through his chest and somehow goes on living.
In the end , a plot twist is revealed and the hot softspoken British chick tells the story of how she was raised on a survivalist compound and then we slowly and surely realize that some sort of demented family plot is afoot and blood, blood, blood, spray, blood, stab, badass shit going on all over the place. I have to give this movie 4 fuck yeahs.

Gore Breakdown
Table Flipping in Frustration-1 Instance
Arrow through cranium-1 instance
Arrow jutting through sarcastic brothers vital organs but still managing to survive: 1 instance, 30 minutes screen time before he succumbs.
Identity fuckery: Multiple instances.
Bloodbath and people stepping on goddawful painful boards protruding with nails: 2 or 3 times. ouch!


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